I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
