I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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