R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He felt like a one man threesome
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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