Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How does it feel to date your dad?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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