do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
