i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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