wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
