I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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