So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
