Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
