Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
