pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
