Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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