I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
