I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
