He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
