At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
