loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
