Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
