Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
