john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
