White coat. Heels.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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