wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
