We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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