I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
