thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
