Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
