He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
