Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
