you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
