Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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