Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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