Capitaan dildo arrescate!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
