I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
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