is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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