meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
