I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
