One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
