If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
