Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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