so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
