i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
