I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
People in love make me want to vomit
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
