glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
