One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
