she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
