During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Of course I have a pirate flag
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
