Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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