Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
