well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
