After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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