We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
