Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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